Airports and bullshit

8:00pm and I'm in NC. Sitting at the bar talking to this dude about hash and whatnot. then I decided I should go check on my flight. MOTHER FUCKER! Postponed?! Because of what, you might ask. " The plane is broken ". That's the reponse I recieved from the wonderful staff at US Airways. So, I figure " Alright, I'll go back to the bar and chill out for a few and have another brewski ". By the time I finsh this beer it's roughly 9:00pm... Time to board the planey plane. YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME! Another fucking delay. This time the plane is boarding at 10:00pm. Me : " What's the issue now ma'am? " US Airways Employee: " I guess they broke something else on the plane... I'm not entirely sure though. " Me: " That's pretty cool lady. Do you have anything other tails of wisdom? " US Airways Employee: " Do what now sir? " Me: " ..... Nothing. I'm going to get more beer ". Next thing I know, I'm in Wilmington, Nc. Hooray Air travel.

Bubble guts

So, last night, I came strolling in around ( insert extremely late time here ). Only to find I had 2 beers left.. The only thing I wanted to do was have a beer and go to bed. My stomach decided that sleep wasn't going to be an option for me for a while. So, as I'm sitting in my awesome chair, watching " Dual Survior ", my stomach felt like there was a massive rock in it... then said rock exploded into millions of particles and went directly to my anus. Insantly, I shot up from the chair and RAN to the bathroom. My ass cheeks hit the toliet seat with more force than a hurricane on Bourbon Street. To soon? As I'm bracing myself for what was going on, I quickly realize, there's no toliet paper and I'm the only one home. I said to myself outloud, " Alright... what the fuck am I going to do now? " I looked around the bathroom for anything that could assist in cleaning up, what could possibly the worst shit I've ever had to take. Only to find that, there is nothing. I didn't even have socks on... Last resort option is always the socks... or shower curtain I suppose. And, no, I didn't use the shower curtain. So, my only option is to get naked and get in the shower. So I did. So, as I'm showering up, my gut decided it was time for round two! This whole time this is going on, all I can hear is " Cody Lundin " off " Dual Survior " talking about shitting in the woods with no water and no place to sleep. At least I can clean my ass here, where I have water and old chinese food in my fridge. Well, finally after an hour of going from the toliet to the shower, my stomach calms down and I peacefully fall asleep. Only to wake up 4 hours later to do it all over again. I think the moral of the story here is, make sure to always keep a full stock of toliet paper, or at least wear socks to take a shit.